To Be (clean) or Not To Be

When my daughter, Anne, was 8 years old, she quit showering or bathing. I would tell her to get cleaned up for bed and she would maybe wash her hands before putting on her pajamas. Sometimes I would hear the water running, but she would come out of the bathroom with the same layer of dirt that she went in with. Our conversations would go like this:

"Anne, Did I hear the shower?"

"Yes Mom, I turned on the shower."

"Anne, Did you get in the shower?"

"Yes Mother, you can't turn on the shower with out sticking your arm in. (Duh!)"

"Anne, Did your legs get wet?" (using the tell-me-the-truth look).

"Kind-of"

"Did you use soap?"

"I didn't see any"

"Did you wash your hair?"

"Mother, you can't wash dry hair! (Duh)"

"Get back in the bathroom right now, young lady and really take a shower - and wash your hair"

"Why?"

"Because I told you so... or else"

The last line varied according to the day:
Nurse Mom: "Because germs get on your body and can make you sick"
Mom with a sense of humor: "Because you smell like a wet cat!"
Philosophical Mom: "The universe decries it to be so."
But, most of the time it came down to: "It's just TIME to take a shower! Either get in or get thrown in!!!"

Showering/bathing became a bigger power struggle every day. Then one day I was reading a book about parenting (I had a big stack). It suggested putting the child in control. It said some things are a choice and some things are not. When possible give them a choice. Well, obviously, I felt showering was not negotiable, but on the other hand, when to shower could be. After some thought I worked out a plan. I went out and bought a calendar and some cute stickers. That evening I sat down with Anne and explained that showers/baths were not an option but which days to shower/bath could be.  The rules were that she needed to clean her body in the shower or bath 3 times a week. She needed to actually get wet and use soap. Hair washing must take place once a week.  She could do it more, but these were the minimum requirements. In exchange I would quit nagging, yelling and threatening.  I thought she took it pretty well. She hung up the calendar and admired the stickers.  Then I waited.

Sunday night I heard the shower go on. I saw a clean child emerge. She had washed her hair! I was triumphant. I went in my room and did a celebration dance.

Monday night I heard the shower go on. I saw a clean child emerge. Wow! This was over-the-top good. She must really like those stickers!

Tuesday night I heard the shower go on. I saw a clean child emerge. Was I dreaming?

Wednesday, no shower, but hey, she was already practically sparkling clean.

Thursday, no shower. I was mildly annoyed, but it was still better than she had been doing.

Friday, no shower. Hmmmm, Oh well, she wasn't really going anywhere tomorrow anyway.

Saturday, no shower.   I remembered that I promised she was in control...

Sunday no shower.

"Anne, remember our agreement?"

"Sure Mom"

"Remember it was about showering/taking a bath"

"Yeah Mom - I got it"

"But you haven't taken a shower in four days?"

"You said, three times a week right?"

"Yeah..."

"And I took one, three times last week. I took one on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.  See, I put on the stickers. Aren't they cute?"

"They are adorable...   Aren't you going to take a shower tonight? Do you remember it was three times every week?"

"I know, three times every week, just like you said right Mom?"

"I did say three times a week, yes..."

"And I can choose when, right Mom?"

"Yes, but it has been four days now and...."

"And, this week I am going to choose Thursday, Friday and Saturday!"